I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
