Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
