Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize