i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
