I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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