Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
