called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Less talking, more tequila
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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