yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize