she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize