my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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