we're chasing vodka with high fives
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
