I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
