Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
