Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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