During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
