Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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