i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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