dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
