my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
