Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize