if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
BRING THE BAGELS
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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