I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
