Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
