please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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