fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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