What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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