She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
