Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
