if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think people are normalizing furries
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