Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
