Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How does it feel to date your dad?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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