You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you never un-have a 4some
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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