Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
