i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize