when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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