That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
