That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
