I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
