My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I came so hard my ears popped.
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