wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
