I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
