census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
