went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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