He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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