It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
