There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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