For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
