he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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