I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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