yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize