she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
