i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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