Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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