I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
