Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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