goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
