Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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