I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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