Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
