If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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