Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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