I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
