I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
