I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
