She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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