I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
being pregnant is like rehab
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
