Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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