She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
